


Dirty Filthy Cheat

by PetrichorPerfume



Series: Shenanigans [175]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas and Dean buy a giant purple dildo, M/M, Michael has the wrong idea, Sex Toys, its name is jesus in case you were wondering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-22 19:44:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6091966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetrichorPerfume/pseuds/PetrichorPerfume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Dean and Castiel buy a giant dildo and Adam needs to have a serious conversation with his angel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dirty Filthy Cheat

Castiel’s Side of the Story:

 

‘The Internet is for porn’ is a motto that Castiel had come to appreciate early on in his relationship with Dean. It hosted a seemingly endless array of strange and wonderful ideas, from the ones Dean put firmly in a category called Fucking Never, Cas (“No, no, no, no one is peeing on anyone, Cas!”) to things that they’d experienced far too often in their previous lives to find enjoyable in bed (“I did find something new today, but I doubt that either of us would enjoy being tied up.”) to things that made Dean blush and stammer and shift in his seat, subtly trying to find a comfortable position in pants that had suddenly become far too tight.

 

And it had taken a while, but Cas had finally, finally gotten Dean to admit that he wanted the awesome new toy Castiel had found and bookmarked for them to try out. Once they’d gotten past the sheer size of the dildo – seven and a half inches long and five and a half inches around and one and a half inches across – and the admittedly ominous warning that the toy was intended for “external use only,” Dean had actually been rather eager to try it.

 

Castiel counted that as a ‘win’ in his book.

 

 

Dean’s Side of the Story:

 

Sometimes, Dean seriously regretted introducing Castiel to the Internet. He went to the weirdest fucking sites and found the strangest fucking toys around, no pun intended. Sometimes though, Castiel’s obsession with porn actually paid off and he unearthed something truly titillating instead of frankly disgusting.

 

But just because imaging himself fucking Cas (it would not be the other way around, no matter _what_ anyone thought or _how_ many times he took it up the ass every week) with a huge purple dildo was strangely arousing, didn’t mean that he actually wanted to shake hands (cocks?) with the thing in real life. Especially since he knew it was _a lot_ harder to lie to himself about what went where when Cas gave him that intense smoldering look and spoke to him in that deep, gravely, commanding voice that just _demanded_ to be obeyed.

 

However, it was amazingly difficult to say no with his erection pressing up against the front of his jeans so insistently and it became completely impossible when Cas put a hand on that spot just above the dip of his hip that always drove him insane and leaned in _real_ close before starting to speculate in a deep, breathless whisper on just how delicious Dean would look spread out for him with a purple monster cock in his ass.

 

And that was that; Dean was sold, and a few moments later, so was the dildo from dirtyfilthyfuckingtoys.net.

 

 

Michael’s side of the story:

 

Michael was a very tolerant, easy-going, laid back angel about ninety-nine percent of the time. However, this? This was _unacceptable._

 

He has Dean on the floor and immobilized thirty seconds after he’d found the package, opened it, and processed its contents. He does it gently, though, because he does love Dean and he technically hasn’t done anything _yet,_ even if he had been about to hurt his baby angel, the bastard.

 

“Michael, what the fuck?” Dean groans. “Please don’t tell me you’ve changed your mind about the Apocalypse. Luc-”

 

Michael presses one hand over Dean’s lips to silence him. “Don’t bring him into this. Now tell me, what is this?” He waves the giant purple dildo in front of Dean’s face and Dean _whimpers_ as if he knows he’s been caught red handed. “What does it mean?” He continues.

 

“It means I’m going to have to have a serious conversation with my little brother,” Dean answers. “I can’t believe he hasn’t had the talk with you yet.”

 

“Don’t bring him into this, either!” Michael demands. “Now tell me why you wanted to cheat on Castiel!”

 

Dean stops squirming. “What?”

 

“Was he not good enough for you or something? Did you tire of him? And think carefully before you answer, because I _will_ destroy you.”

 

Michael hears Dean start to pray to Castiel, but he doesn’t stop him because he isn’t sure what to make of the development. The human waits until Cas flies into the room before answering. “He asked me to buy it for him. For _us._ Now will you please get off of me and stop waving that thing in my face?”

 

Michael sits up, dumbfounded. “Castiel, is that true?”

 

Cas smiles from the doorway. “If I say no, will you keep slapping him with it? It was very entertaining while it lasted.”

 

“Cas!” Dean whines.

 

Cas sighs. “Yes, it’s true. We purchased it together. Now, unless you care to join us, I’d like my toy back.”

 

Michael hands him the dildo.

 

“That one, too,” Cas says, gesturing towards Dean.

 

“Hey!”

 

“Quiet, pet. Now go kneel on the bed and wait for me.”

 

Dean starts to pout and slinks out of the room with a quiet, “Yes, sir.”

 

Michael watches them go for a moment. Then, “ADAM!”


End file.
